Money Talks and Bullshit Walks Up And Lists a Bunch of Contingencies

Offer accepted. We have The 1! Well, pending Contingencies. "What's a Contingency?" you ask your wise real-estate savvy friend who knows all about it. 

Me, who just learned about it last week: A contingency is a condition you list as part of an offer on a property whereupon if the contingency is not met, you can withdraw the offer and get back your earnest money. 

Earnest money is a small deposit you make to demonstrate your good faith in buying a property. If you withdraw your offer, the buyer keeps it. It's often 1-2% of the value of the property. In my case, it was 1.53% of my total offer price) 

Contingencies could be something like "Land is not actively on fire" (j/k) or in my case "buildability of the lot" and "assessment at or above purchase price." They're usually mandatory and out-of-the-box if you're getting a loan - and lenders are smart so their contingencies are a pain in the ass. 

But me, I'm only moderately smart, so my contingencies are simple. If I can build on it and I can put a standard septic on it, I'm happy. (I worded this as "Buyer's sole determination of feasibility to build." This is close to a standard wording, although I simplified it because I prefer clear and short legalese.)

Basically, it means if I determine there are serious impediments to build, I can pull back my earnest money and take a hike.
BUT - this starts the clock. I have 30 days to determine this and then I need to close. So let the frantic calling of appraisers and septic designers begin.

But how could I? This is what the front yard would look like. (I don't like yards, just rocks 'n trees.) Well, if it's not buildable I guess I probably will walk away.